I am destroyed. All my certainties about my sexuality, all my fears
overcome with time, my hate towards men... I love Flavio. probably
just because of his kind nature that reminds me more of a woman than a
man. What the hell I am getting into. Mario keeps calling me and
reminding me that we kissed. I never thought that a playboy like him
could consider a kiss a seal of love. He is back to Italy and he
doesn't want to go back to England, just because of me. He is trying
to play on my emotional state. He thinks that I am in a strange mood
because of him. He cannot even imagine what makes me upset these days.
I love his friend, the nerd one. I am not sure I fancy Flavio
sexually, but I enjoy listening to his few words, I like to look at
him when he exercises because he is a clumsy athlete. I like his
scent, the way he moves and he greets and smiles at people. I find him
a perfect match. Forget his position and his enthusiasm for things, he
is just perfect but with a problem: he is a man!
I am not sure about the way he feels about me because he is quite
cagey about his feelings and very shy. At times he seems to be all
over me and at times makes me feel like a ghost. This week he has not
been around and I slept in his room, on his pillow. I could smell his
D&G 6 Amoureux. I even put some on myself when I went out last night
with a lady I met on a chat. I didn't go to bed with her. She was not
my type. Too much of a man.
I didn't need this other shit in my life but seems like my parents are
going to be happy! I am sure they will ask about children soon... Oh
my God! Time to go to get a shower. I am going crazy!
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