back to nightmares

Last night I had a nightmare, actually, it was a dream at the
beginning. A good dinner with great fun with Mario and another guy. We
ended up in my apartment to continue drinking. The guy was a good
friend of mine and the place we were, in my dream was mine, but I have
never seen it before. We started talking sex and somehow Mario was
left naked with a hard on while I was looking at his cock very closely
and playing with it but without any intention of having sex with it.
My friend told me to try it and I refused it because it stunk. He went
to wash himself in this big huge bathroom. His pants were so dirty,
they had turned green as if they had never been changed and I was
watching him while with embarrassment he was trying to throw them away
somewhere. He hid them behind the bidet. He came out of the bathroom
and I apologised but it was my turn to use it and while I was trying
to touch up my makeup, with no intention of having sex with him, I
realised that I could not see my image in the mirror, just my black
dress. I got frightened and when I turned I saw Mario just there
behind me and my friend with him. They started chasing me in this huge
bathroom and I could see their images reflected behind me while it was
impossible to see them if I had turned and looked back. They got me
and started raping me with such a violence I was as frozen, I could
not move anymore. I could not see them on top of me but I could feel
them both inside me and see them reflected in the mirror. I woke up
and I realised that it was all a dream and I was sitting with Mario
and this friend in my apartment talking as if nothing had happened
until, once again, Mario ended up naked and the story was going to
start all over again.

I am sure there is a meaning to this. The dream that has haunted me
for years seems to change the main actors but it still stands...
People that are apparently friends and innocent that become rapists to
satisfy their sadism...

Will I ever get out of this? I thought I was making it and now, I am
back again into it.

It's 3 pm and I am in such a bad mood, I don't fancy eating or going
out. The phone has been ringing, probably was Mario from his home
phone... Please, help! I cannot go through these nightmares again!